my tooth hurts. I need to make an appointment with the dentist. That’s bad.
But worse, is the situation I’m in with a girl I met last Saturday night. I just sent an email revealing to this sexy young beast that I am not quite entirely “read-the-fine-print” single. She was definitely interested. Now we find out a bit more about her morals and/or ethics.
Is this possibly blossoming relationship poorly timed? Perhaps, but fortunately, things with Laura are (for now at least) very good. She knows of said vixen.
Now I wait, my gut like a 3 ton cement truck, for the vixen’s response.
(In other news, there are now quite a few pictures of Zelda over on thorsday.)
i have to admit, i don’t understand the inner workings of the “open relationship” so i find this rather intriguing.
am i less evolved as a human being for not being able to understand how you/laura would not be jealous if the other found another to play with? i’m seriously interested in how this works.
with bated breath,
This is a long and complicated issue. There are, of course, infinite variations on the concept of “open relationship”. I have tried a lot of them, but Laura and I actually have very similar expectations when it comes to relationships.
Perhaps the most important part of any non-monogamous relationship is just assuring your partner that you are satisfied with them, and that your dating other people is not going to interfere with the already existing relationship. This ties in with the jealousy issue. The first question I’ve got to ask is, what kind of jealousy are we talking about here? We’ve taken care of the “I’m afraid you’ll like that other person more than me.” jealousy because it doesn’t matter if I like them more… I’m still not going to break up with Laura for them. No how, no way. Why would I? I’ve known Laura longer, dated her longer, have a more understanding relationship with her. If I were going to break up with her, and I blamed a “new fling”, I would be lying to myself, and her.
The only other kind of jealousy that I can think of at the moment is just the “I get upset thinking about you sleeping with them.” kind. This is harder to get around. Laura and I avoid it to some degree by just not sleeping with other people, at least in a hardcore-sex type way. (Oral sex is ok, and this is one of the few ways that Laura and I differ in our opinions of what an ideal open relationship entails. Every relationship involves compromise!) Anyway, sure, I get a little jealous thinking of some other guy goin’ down on my hot-little snatch-muffin, but I also get a little excited thinking about it. As long as she’s safe, and I trust her implicitly, who cares?
Actually, this last concept breaks one of my unwritten rules of the open relationship game. Thou shalt not think of another individual possessively. She’s not actually my hot-little anything. She’s her own hot-little snatch-muffin, and therefore has her own sets of needs and desires. Our needs and desires are obviously not going to always coincide. Due to the magic of our open relationship, we can look elsewhere when those differences arise.
I did just think of one more situational jealousy that is particularly troubling. That of the “third party”. What will the vixen think of all this? Even if she’s ok with the open relationship thing at first, if she decides she really likes me, will she be really horribly jealous of Laura? I guess I’ll just deal with that bend when/if I come to it. So far, Laura and I have only sustained short term relationships outside of our own. (IE, a few one night stands.) And while I have been privy to at least one open relationship that seemed sustainable in the past (for about six months, approximately) I was actually the third party in that instance, and I didn’t look at the relationship as something permanent so much as just something that was fun for awhile.
If you have any more questions, please, feel free to ask them. (And keep in mind, I am by no means an expert, I just happen to have put a lot of thought into this particular subject.)
i had no idea an open relationship was so complicated. neither did i realize there were girls out there who could be convinced to join one!
wow. that’s cool. you should write a book, grid. really. I’m serious.
Perhaps expositions on non-monogamy: how I learned to extricate love from sex or overcoming jealousy, for dummies?
Seriously, what would it be about? I never pictured myself writing non-fiction. I don’t think (short of turnpapers and, I suppose, this blog) I’ve ever even tried.