Jealousy and non-monogamy revisited

A while back I ranted a bunch about jealousy as it applies to open relationships, (and Mopsa said I should write a book about it). Today Laura sent me an article that says a bunch of stuff that I agree with. MANAGING JEALOUSY IN OPEN RELATIONSHIPS, by Kathy Labriola. I agree with the entire thing. She very plainly explains what I think are generally considered to be very complicated issues. (But I agree with her that they’re not!)

The only part I might not agree with is in the beginning of her article, when she says that “most of us experience jealousy if our spouse or lover has a sexual relationship with someone else. A few rare individuals never experience jealousy. They are either more highly evolved than the rest of us mortals, or else they are pathologically out of touch with their feelings.” (OK, maybe a bit of jealousy, (a manageable amount for some of us, yes, I’d agree.) But then she goes on to rightly blame various core beliefs for the jealousy that we experience. Core beliefs that I would argue are ridiculous. So, if I have basically already “worked through” these core beliefs, (or dissolved them, as she says we can do), then why does she assert that we all still feel jealous? Where does that jealousy come from if it’s no longer from these core beliefs?

My question doesn’t invalidate any of what she says. It’s a great article, and one that I’m sure I will be discussing in-depth with Laura very soon.

UPDATE: Added link to the original post I was talking about. The rant is in the comments though.

3 Replies to “Jealousy and non-monogamy revisited”

  1. It’s from the remnants of those core beliefs that are still knocking about the deepest bits of your psyche, of course! Does this woman offer hypno-therapy to remove them?

  2. Thanks for the link – I’ve bookmarked the article, and will be reading it more in-depth in the near future.

    I tried to find the earlier post you referenced, but after skimming back to last November, I gave up. But on the bright side, you’re getting added to my blogroll, so it’s not all bad. ;)

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