We are alone.

Notes after watching Confessions of a Dangerous Mind:

Nietzsche said: “The man who despises himself still respects himself as he who despises.” I am a man who respects himself for not saying the things he wants to say but can’t. Or perhaps I despise the things I want to say, and therefore just don’t say them.

This movie twisted all my thoughts up around inside themselves, and I loved it.

Simultaneously I feel more alone than ever. Mary Anne Evans said: “What loneliness is more lonely than distrust?” How lonely was she, pretending to be George Elliot so she could publish as a man?

How lonely am I, typing to my friends, through this void, into nothing; not even talking with them; not even talking?

UPDATE: Here is another quote on loneliness: “Man’s loneliness is but his fear of life.” (Eugene O’Neill) This one gives me some small courage.

2 Replies to “We are alone.”

  1. So weird. This is the 3rd reference to George Elliot I’ve seen/heard in the last 24 hours. How odd is that? I’ve been meaning to get the novel Middlesex and, having mentioned it to two other people, I realized people automatically make the connection to Middlemarch — which I’ve never read. Now I want to read both. This is a sign for sure.

    I’m sorry you’re lonely. Emily Dickinson wrote so many poems about loneliness. I seem to recall that in one she calls loneliness the ‘maker of the soul’. That’s something, isn’t it?

Comments are closed.