rising red rising
Just for fun, here’s some notes about the creation of this poem.
I started with the title “sun at six thirty am”. Then I didn’t like sun in the title and sunshine in the first line, and felt “sun at” could go. I feel like “sunshine swooning” is both the weakest line in the poem, and also the whole reason I wrote the poem, and therefore uncutable.
I tried to play with line breaks that change the meaning of the phrases depending on whether the lines are read together or as single entities. I changed “infant day” to “day infant” for that reason. I also tried to have each line stand on it’s own. I think an alternate way to read (and/or break) the poem would be:
red rising eastern
The last line is probably the line that “says” what the poem means or is about the clearest. I almost cut it for that reason but decided it was ok at the end of the poem.
I added the line “grandmother night” when I thought about how “day infant” sounded a bit too much like just waking up.
The last line written was “marching westward”, and as much as I think it flows well from “eastern mealody”, I deliberated for a long time on “westward” before finally deciding that I liked it.]