Category: Uncategorized

Haven’t posted in a few days. I’m not sure why, exactly… I’ve seen two sneak preview movie showings in three days… Last night’s was “The Cooler”, which despite an impending theatrical release had a 2002 copyright. (Yes, that was the first thing that came to mind when thinking of it, so no, don’t bother.)

Tuesday night we saw “Big Fish”, the new one directed by Tim Burton. Last night nate and I debated the style of it, and how Burton it felt to both of us. I felt that it was a very good movie, compared to other movies, but that it didn’t really stand up next to his other movies very well. It was good in its own right, and worth seeing, but perhaps a disappointment to those of us who really want Tim Burton’s visual style to dominate a film. Also, Ewan was fairly wooden… (again), and the rest of the cast supported him throughout.

On Wednesday night I purchased used books on amazon, and paid less than $12 for all four. Then I paid another $14 for shipping, but it was well worth it. I’m very excited to get them in the mail.

I could blame the writer’s almanac, but it hasn’t just been there that I’ve been finding new poets to read and admire. For years now (three?) I’ve probably only read one new poet a year. Now in the last week I’ve actually purchased a book of poetry (by fernando pessoa, an author recommended to me by my friend Pete) and I’ve also discovered Mark Yakich who was featured today in the almanac. I spent a few minutes pouring through some of his poems, and have yet to read something of his that I didn’t like.

Elia’s latest blog post mentioned a comment on her previous post that was her best comment ever, so I checked it out. I recommend you do too.

The premise is a war. The soldiers are unwilling participants… the soldiers are blogs.

The poster of said comment, Angelo, left no details of how the war would be waged, other than some notion of “character”, to be determined by what is said and not said in Elia’s blog. The other combatant will be represented by another blog.

I turned to my best source of enlightenment… A google search for blogwars brought me to a MemeFirst post about pitting of three blogs against one another. There was quantifiable scoring, but the categories didn’t really strike me as subjective.

Then I discovered several other blog-fight type things, and remembered that I’d seen blog survivor somewhere before. Once the reality-TV comparison was made, the excitement of “blogwars” faded… (note, none of the links above is the blog survivor thing that I remembered seeing before, and I looked pretty hard–3rd page of google results counts as “really hard” for me, just fyi.)

I realized that it wasn�t the content of the comment that had excited me so, but rather the tone and “flavor”. A religious war holds much more appeal for me than a reality-TV takeoff. I’m excited to see if we’ll hear anything more about this battle, or if it’ll just fade into memory like everything else.

I skipped everything important yesterday, which means I sat on my ass, pretty much the entire day.

In the early afternoon, while I still lay in bed reading a book and laura took a post-wakeup-nap, I was suppose to be at a unicycling meeting. Then, later in the afternoon, I was going to go to a post-nanowrimo party sort of thing, but I found myself looking at the clock an hour before it was going to end, still at home and wearing a bathrobe. We watched movies and played video games all night to commiserate.

My novel is not really coming along. I wrote for about an hour on Saturday, and am maybe 2000 words past 50,000 total. I promised someone that I’d be posting the final parts to the novelblog, but I haven’t bothered yet. There is still a lot to go, and I’m past the outline now, which is causing me problems. I need to spend some real time thinking about where I want this to go, and how I want it to end.

Last Friday I had lunch with Matt who he mentioned this crazy 1and1 deal where they’re giving away 3 years of free webhosting to anybody who signs up in the next 30 days or so. It sounds too good to be true, but I’ve already signed up, and their domain registration is dirt-cheap. We registered http://thankyouten.com for Nate, and he’s going be moving off livingtech as soon as everything goes through. [UPDATE: It’s already live! Less than 24 hrs after registration!]

Three years is a long ass time to give something away for free. It’s the miracle of big business, I guess. Of course, roadrunner just upped our bandwidth (at no extra cost!) and I’m getting speeds from home that rival speeds I used to get from the UofMN, which was heretofore the fastest internet connection I’d ever experienced.

I did a speed test, and I was getting 5 gigabits per second, which is theoretically in the 600K/second range, but the fastest download I’ve yet managed was approximately 400K/sec. Anyway it’s blazing fast. I should really set up that server at home. But I have to have time for that, I guess. And time is one thing I’m always short on.

Tonight I’m going to juggling again for the first time in over a month. I’m excited to work on my five off the ground, but I’ll probably spend just as much time catching up with all the people I haven’t seen in ages.

This is far too funny not to post on here. I got an email from my mom tonight with this long PS from my sister:

Dear Gangster! I am writing this letter because I just had a cup of coffee with lots of caefine and I love you and I can’t sit still to do my math homework! The dog peed on my bed yesterday and it was very bad but I love her and I love you more because you do not pee on my bed and if you did, I would make you clean it up. Instead Chelsea could not clean up her pee and I was forced to do it. By the way when I realized that she did pee on my
bed I rolled over and got my pants and my sock wet in her warm pee and that was not fun. Also did I mention that it was mostly on my new blanket that I got from Steve and Robin which you used and liked and I like it too and it was my new favorite blanket which doesn’t mean much because it was my only new blanket but it was still my favorite and I love the dog less than I did before which is still lots but less than you because I love you more lots and she’s a poopsicle just like you altho not as big as a poopsicle which is why I love you more! Speaking of more, right now I have to do more homework.

I have copious leg hair. This should not surprise anyone who knows me overly much. I’m a hairy guy. Anyway, when pulling my pants down just now to take a shit, I noticed a large amount of leg-hair-static that caused every hair on my legs to stand straight out from them. I wish I could have got a picture.

This next tidbit is probably more information than you needed to know… I thought about posting it a while back, but since I’m already talking about pooping, here goes: I like to watch myself poop.

I know, the big question is how! A question I discovered the answer to about six months ago, quite by accident. I believe the lighting in the bathroom has to be perfect for this to work, but the toilet at work is somehow perfect for it. Basically, I can lean forward a bit, and see my reflection in the toiletwater, through the gap between my legs. It’s strange, I know, but also gruesomely fascinating. The reflection is not the most detailed representation, and I sometimes wish I could see more clearly… but then at other times I’m glad. More detail may push fascinating… into the realm of disgusting.

Have a good one, and may all your stools be soft and pleasant!

So, today I bought all three of the Director’s Label DVDs from best buy. I didn’t know there were only three… and truth be told, I would probably have bought more of them had there been more. I really like the concept, and am excited to view them!

But first, I have a long list of things to do tonight now that I’m free of the novel deadline. 1) watch the rest of the Battle Royale DVD Nate, Laura and I started last night. 2) play some of the new Simpson’s videogame that I purchased before I left for turkey-day, and didn’t get to play, and 3) any number of other “possible” tasks/activities, including: pay bills, write more on the novel, read/finish Blood Music (the Greg Bear novel that I started in the six hour car ride yesterday, which is turning out to be SUPER good), play other video games that I haven’t started and/or played in the last month, and just maybe wrap one of laura’s x-mas presents (hehe).

I can hardly believe it, but I did it. One of only 3680, if you can believe the statistics.

My novel isn’t actually finished though. I just have 50,000 words on it. I think there are maybe another 3K to 10K words left. It’s possible there are more than that even.

I have a nice list of things I want to “fix” when I do go back for editing, and one of them is to make the novel more “literary”. I’ve been up a full two hours just goofing around after the deadline, reading the forums, ordering the nano t-shirt, checking email, and now this entry, (but I’d wanted to do this before I went to bed from the beginning), so my eyes are starting to get all blurry and I really need to get some sleep. I’ve been sniffling and blowing my nose almost since I got home. I hope I’m not coming down with anything.

So the novel is set around mercury, right? In the first few days, I took a lot of inspiration from that. Reading up on mercury, getting all the facts and figures straight… but then I sort of forgot about it. Then tonight I was reading the nano forums, and found some guy who was asking a question about sci-fi books based in the courtrooms… (I know I’ve read a few, but I’m horrible about remembering names and things.) …anyway, it occurred to me to check my copy of The Encyclopedia of Science Fiction, which is one of the most amazing books I own.

Nothing. Not an entry for law, lawyers, courtrooms, courtroom drama, judges, judicial system or any of the few others I tried. I may be missing a term, but I definitely couldn’t find anything.

Long story short, after I hit zero on that one, I looked up mercury. Now I’ve got some reading to do… I’d like to read William Wallace Cook’s Adrift in the Unknown, and re-read David Brin’s Sundiver in the relatively near future. And if I can find copies, I’ll read the short stories “Masquerade” (by Clifford Simak) and Asimov’s “Runaround”.

Plus, I’d like to put a buttload more imagery into the thing. I’ve been writing some dry ass shit, I think. Fast paced, but very little descriptive details. I’m not sure why, really. I get more into the ideas of the setting than the description of the setting. It may not be a bad thing… but I would like more visual imagery.

I’m going to aim for at least 1000 words per day till I’m done with this thing. Definitely not as harrowing as the 3.5K I had to hit today to finish on time. And now I can say I did it. Not, yet, that I’ve finished a novel in my lifetime… but that I’ve written 50K in one month, which I think of as no small accomplishment. *finishes patting self on back*

Now I’m off to climb in bed with Laura, to sleep for a good hour before she gets up for work.

I’m only 50 words into today’s writing, and it’s plodding. I had half-seriously wanted to finish today. At least the melodies of Her Space Holliday are spilling their magnificence into my eardrums.

I am all choked up just now thinking about how subjective satisfaction is. My life is far from satisfying to me, yet I am privileged in so many ways. I think it’s somehow better to stay dissatisfied, in general. At least it helps with productivity… or does it? I have no idea if it’s my lack of satisfaction that truly inspires my writing.

I can’t think straight right now. I was going to maybe leave Iowa today, and drive home tonight, but now we’ve decided it’ll be better to leave early tomorrow. It was mostly my thinking about car-productivity that did it. If we drive in the daytime, there will be sunlight, and we’ll all be able to read and do other things in the car. I need to start a new book. I brought about five of them with to Iowa, but I’ve hardly had time to write, much less read.

I gave my aunt and uncle from Chicago a copy of Photocopies and Staples. I need to remember to put that online one of these days. Or anyway I mean to.

Two thousand words per day. That’s what I’ve got left on my novel. I can do it, I know I can. I had my doubts until yesterday. But now I know I can do 5K in a day, I’m hoping to do it again, and finish up a bit early. I’ll be driving six hours per day both tomorrow and Sunday, so it’d be nice to finish early.

I even spent about half an hour yesterday (the same day I did 5K!) to write an outline for the next few sections. I don’t quite think they’ll bring me to 50K, but it’ll be close. There is a big climax in there, but I’m not sure it’s “the climax”, if you know what I mean. I explained this to Nate this afternoon, and he said “oh great, it’s going to be one of those novels where I’m thinking they don’t have anything left to wrap up, but there’s still 50 pages left.” I don�t think it’s going to be quite that drastic (you’ll know there’s still some shit left to happen yet), but I do hope things calm down a bit after I get through this part. Actually, what am I saying?!? This is action and adventure, baby. Things are gonna stay NOT-CALM right up to the end. (No, I don’t know what I’m talking about either. Excuse me please, I’m tired.)

Vacation time always flies by, of course. I’ve barely felt like I have time to write in the novel, and yet I’m supposed to be taking things easy right now.

I saw a sneak preview of The Last Samurai tonight, and it was FUCKING AWESOME. I know it doesn’t come out for a week or so, but when it does, your ass better be in the theater. I found myself comparing it to crouching tiger hidden dragon afterward–I thought it was THAT good. (no flying kicks or anything though… this one went in more for the realism.) The comparison is purely emotional though… the movies really had nothing more to do with each other than kick-ass fight scenes, and intense drama.

In the car ride home, I wanted to think a lot about the notion of honor, and especially as it applies to my life. (I didn’t really have time though, so here’s some thinking-in-blog.) I strive for complete honesty (knowing that I fail in certain aspects of my life–notably my work environment, where honesty is not a very respected commodity), and I think it is as much for honor as it is for anything else that I insist on my honesty. It is for my honor, I should say.

But I went to dictionary.com just now, and I realize that the word itself is as much fractured as the concept I am trying to describe. The American Heritage dictionary definitions don’t even mention self-respect. In the definitions it gives that are closest to what I’m talking about, honor is dependent on someone else! Webster’s seems to have it closer to the way I’m thinking about it–an internal notion of rightness that is dependent on notions of self-respect and self worth. Your honor is the value you place on your own life and your own opinions and actions.

How does this antiquated concept fit in with the notion of the postmodern self that I hold in such high regard? If your values and opinions are constantly fluid, how can you find honor in there too? I think post-modernity (as it applies to notions of self) assumes a subjective “correctness” in any given situation… and the notion of honor assumes an absolute correctness. Or maybe not… maybe it is only absolute as far as the individual is concerned. Yes, that is better… As long as I do what I assume to be the correct thing in any given situation, my honor is retained.

I was just trying to figure out what word means a word with multiple definitions. I know there is a word out there that means this… the only way I could think to look for it was google. Then I thought, I’m sure I could just search the definitions on dictionary.com… but no! You can’t even search definitions (as far as I can tell) at all!

I am deadly serious about the novel thing. It’s what I’ve always wanted to do with my life. Unfortunately, this novel sucks total ass. I’ve just got to finish it, and I can move on to something more interesting. I could try desperately to make this interesting, but so far, no ideas have come to mind. Actually, writing this, something has surfaced… an idea I hadn’t thought of, but seems so obvious that I’m sure all of my readers would have expected it to go this way in the first place.

Weird how there are just SO many possibilities with a novel in terms of plot… I seem to always be reading predictable ones, and I wonder if their authors felt the same way I do now, like they just discovered this plot, even though when I read their work it seems trite and ill conceived.

That’s part of the problem, of course. There are too many possibilities. These last few days, every time I sit down in front of the keyboard, I get stuck thinking about whether the direction I’m taking the characters will further my plot. I sit there for literally hours just thinking about this. What’s the best story? What’s the best story I can squeeze out of this so-far meaningless heap of words? I have to let go. I knew this, and know it, but it’s much harder than actually doing it. It’s hard to write without consequences.

I know that if I write a bunch of BS, I’m NOT going to want to go back and edit it later. I also know that if I write a bunch of BS, but it at least ties itself up into a story I can be semi-proud of, even if I’m not proud of the words themselves, I’ll be much more likely to go back to it. It’s these two know ledges, juxtaposed, that are keeping me from writing. I have to put them both behind me. I may write BS, but who cares??? This thing is just for me, much like this blog being just for me, and my poetry being just for me.

One of the other NaNo-ers I met at the “gathering” last Saturday (hard to believe it’s been a week) was talking about how she felt modern poetry was just masturbation. I agree completely. Poetry is for the poet first, and reader second… it’s the style and beauty that have opportunity to come out of that masturbation that are enjoyable by readers. And, by and large, let’s face it, most readers of poetry are poets. The market is just that slim.

Anyway, I have to think less, write more. I keep saying it, but today I’m going to try really hard and just do it. Damnit, I wanted to be to 35K today. That’s a long way off.